Sunday, 13 April 2008

Men May Be Dogs but We Love Them Anyway

By Anka Radakovich

Men can't resist the tease.

There's no sexier surprise for your guy than when you dance seductively, slowly undress or wear lacy underwear — anything that stimulates him visually. This sexual tension drives him wild, because his mind races, imagining what's coming next.

Men can't help but stare at other women.

It's true: They just can't control themselves. We're the same way when we walk by a window filled with gorgeous shoes — we have to look. It's anthropological; if you look at the mating habits of gorillas, even if they're "pair bonded" (anthropology-speak for gorilla marriage), most males cruise the females and stare when a cute gorilla girl walks by. Your guy's not insensitive, he's just been momentarily possessed by his inner ape.

Men are big kids (and proud of it).

Deep down, all men are big ol' boys. (This explains why so many grown men wear baseball caps.) Their interests are boylike, too. Take his obsession with sports. Most men love anything that involves kicking something, throwing things, or punching other men. Sound like 10-year-olds on the playground to you? Does to me. When you put three or more men together, they bond by yelling at the TV and being idiots to each other. Regressing into childlike behavior isn't just a means of amusing themselves — it's their way of escaping real-life pressures and feeling accepted as they are. There's no point in denying guys time to release their juvenile side. Just be glad they're doing it during boys' night out and not in front of your girlfriends or family!

Men are perverts.

There's no getting around it: Guys are pervs. They think about sex 24/7. And sometimes they daydream about — and look at pictures of — gross stuff or weird moves, moves that they'd never try in a million years. Fact is, men have a higher tolerance for body fluids and outrageous sex acts than we do (it's something about that 10-year-old boy inside each of them — see above).

Men would love to cheat.

That doesn't mean they will, though. Luckily, they're either too guilty, too shy or too scared. Hey, it's biology: They see, they want, they fantasize. Men are not by nature monogamous animals, and they often have to fight their sexual urges, which many do very successfully. If a guy could live his perfect fantasy life, he would have a wife and a new fling whenever he felt like it. (While women look for that one "special" guy, men look for those five "special" girls.) Fifty percent of men say that if there were zero percent chance you'd find out, they'd cheat. But that also means 50 percent wouldn't — even if there were no danger of getting caught. Many men say that when they've had the idea, they nix it because they wouldn't want to mess up the good thing they've got at home. Smart guys.

Men want us to worship them.

Every man has a bit of Donald Trump in him. They want us to think they're strong, successful, and sexy. Most men would never admit this, but they'd like to think they're slightly smarter than the woman they're with. Yet they have no problem with the woman being 10 times better-looking than they are (that strokes his ego even more). Ultimately, they'd settle for just being able to do one thing better than us.

Men don't take hints.

When men are with other men, they don't tiptoe around each other and drop subtle suggestions. That's because hints don't register with guys. We women pride ourselves on being able to know intuitively what our friends, husbands, and kids are thinking, but men have no interest in reading minds. That's why one thing I've learned from men is, "If you don't ask, you don't get." In relationships, I don't expect a guy to know exactly what I want — and whenever I do, I'm disappointed. If, for example, you want him to take you out for your birthday, you're wasting your time dropping hints like "Guess what day Friday is? It's someone's birthday!" If you do that, you'll be 80 before he takes you out. And while you're at it, don't hint about wanting a gift that's shiny and lasts forever: To him, you've just described a set of Emeril pots and pans.

Men don't get Valentine's Day.

Most guys consider February 14 a "chick holiday." And it stresses them out: They don't know what's expected, what they should buy, and how much (or how little) they should express their feelings. They're not incapable of romance, they just hate being romantic on cue. Just tell him, "V-Day is Friday. Let's go out for dinner." If you remind him when it is and let him off the hook for some of the standard requirements, he's more likely to deliver some creative romance of his own.

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