- Take One -
Two engineering students were walking across the campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."
- Take Two -
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass
is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs
- Take Three -
A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these people? We've been waiting for 15 minutes!
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The priest said, "Hey, here comes the green keeper. Let's have a word
"Hi George, what's the matter with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow, aren't they?"
The green keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment. Then the priest said, "That's so
sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist friend and see if there is anything he can do for
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
- Take Four -
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude
and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an
hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41
degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is,
technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your
information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not
been much help so far."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you
are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of
hot air. You made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, and
you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you
are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now,
somehow, it's my fault."
- Take Five -
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.
- Take Six -
Normal people believe that if it isn't broken, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it isn't broken, it doesn't have enough features
- Take Seven -
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it
was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the
passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" Replied the architect and artist.
"Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you
are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and
get some work done."
- Take Eight -
One day, an engineer was crossing a road when a frog called out to
him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The
engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned
it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the
engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you
want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look. I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."